Setting the Stage for More Sex

How To Increase Your Chances of Having More Sex

“My wife and I haven’t been intimate for 8 years.”

I have people coming in with relationship problems.  They’re not getting along, they’re not communicating and they’re not having sex.  They might mention they miss having sex, then I know desire is there.

I take note of this because desire for sex is really a positive thing, it shows zest for life.  If it’s been a long time, though, starting up again can be awkward.

It Starts Early in the Day

Once you’ve made up your mind, get started.  You will want to connect in a positive way with your loved one.  Some people call it “simmering” and what they’re doing is showing affection toward their partner.

A husband walks in from getting the mail and touches her cheek. Just like that, out of the blue.

She extends her hand to him, touches his shoulder.

They have started something.

But neither will show their cards yet there’s no rush…

He helped clean the kitchen so she could go work out.  She prepared his favorite spicy chili for dinner.

What is happening is that they are on good terms and doing things to maintain those good terms.

A hot time in the bedroom at night starts in the morning.  It’s all the little steps during the day that makes the difference.

Is There Unresolved Conflict?

However, increasing affection might not lead to sex.  Then the question is, is there unresolved conflict?

In the past they had a major argument over him going out of town when she had to stay home and work.  She felt his trip was a financial drain.  It was since that time that sex had become nonexistent, only once every two months.

It might be helpful to ask yourself what has changed since you first noticed lack of a sex life?

Make a Date Time

Finally, it’s really helpful to look forward to getting together. Couples can set the stage for a good time.  Find a time when both have enough energy, are alert.  During courtship people prepare for a date and want to maximize their time together.  Making time to be intimate deserves the same kind of thoughtfulness.

What thoughts do you have about getting restarted with your sex life? If you are ready to talk it over, please give me a call.

Category:
relationships